By Eric J. Leech, author of Love, Lust, and Relationships
In today’s world of feely, touchy, emotional, and politically-correct nonsense, many of the worlds most important questions have been left unsaid, unanswered, unrepresented, or just plain unaccounted for. It is these politically incorrect mysteries that most college guys really want to know.
We don’t care how many dating websites it takes to find true love. We’d rather know which ones are putting out the most.
It doesn’t matter what the kilowatt force is behind an atomic bomb. We’d prefer to know the cataclysmic force behind a bean burrito with chili.
We don’t want to be bothered by how many rainforests it takes to energize a single light bulb. We’d opt for knowing how many sexual deviants it would take to screw one in.
With that said, let the infogasm begin:
1. On a ratio of size… which animal “tackle” is considered the most and the least impressive?
Answer: The smallest tackle belongs to the shrew at 0.2 inches, and the largest to the blue whale at more than 6.5 feet (keep in mind, that’s some pretty cold water).
Runner-up: The runners-up go to the Gorilla with his paltry two inches, and the Rhinoceros with a harem-pleasing two feet.
2. What’s the shortest male erection ever recorded?
Answer: 1.75 inches, and that was the guy, who was willing to come into the Kinsey Institute to be measured. Just imagine the size of the one, who was too embarrassed!
3. What are some of the most common items found underneath roller coaster tracks?
Answer: According to operators, besides the typical wallets, change, and keys… you would also find glass eyes, fake legs, false teeth and an ever-amazing number of bras—and I thought I was having fun on these things!
4. What is the most stupid sport in participation today?
Answer: Chess boxing! Two components duke it out for six rounds in a boxing ring, while playing chess in between rounds. A checkmate or getting ‘checked out’ (knockout) is the preferred method of victory.
Runner-up: Extreme Ironing is the combination of ironing your clothes, while performing your favorite sport (four-wheeling, scuba diving, rock climbing—you get the idea).
5. What was the earliest form of female intrauterine contraception?
Answer: The Egyptians are thought to have used stones placed inside their uterus as sort of a modern IUD (Intra-Uterine Device). Depending on the size of the guy, this would’ve felt like having sex with a brick wall—which would be contraception in itself!
6. How much marijuana would it take to kill the average man?
Answer: It couldn’t happen. It would be impossible to overdose once you lost all motor control, which includes the capability of holding the bud to your mouth. In other words, passing out at a party and waking up wearing a diaper and baby bonnet is the body’s way of saying, you over did it, so now I’m going to put you out before you do any more damage to yourself.
7. Could flatulence, if allowed to build-up, create the equivalent destructive energy of an atomic bomb?
Answer: Absolutely. If a man farted consistently for six years and nine months, releasing it upon the earth’s surface along with a lit match, its properties would theoretically contain the same devastating capabilities of a weapon of mass destruction.
Bonus Question – How many sexual deviants would it take to screw in a single light bulb?
Answer: Only one, but it would take the entire cast of “Grey’s Anatomy” to fish it back out… (Badum-dumb)