7 Ways to Get Your Roommate to Leave You

I just moved into my new apartment and met some strange dirty guy that told me he is to be my roommate. If something similar happens to you, you may want to read some of the following tips Chris wrote up about getting your roommate to leave you:

roommateDue to the controversy of my 7 Ways to Get Kicked Out of Class, I decided to just write a similar story in the hopes of pissing off some more humorless people.

Here is the best ways I could think of to try to get rid of your roommate either to get a new one or not have a roommate at all. I have only tried a couple of these so am not entirely sure they will all work.

1. Stay awake until your roommate is sleeping and then secretly take pictures of him or her. Show all your friends and laugh about the different sleeping positions your roommate has. An alternative to this is to film him or her, especially if he or she snores.

2. When you have some free time, find your roommate and watch him or her. Correct whatever it is he or she is doing and help them do it the “right” way. Fun things include typing on the computer, brushing his or her teeth, doing his or her homework, sleeping in a certain position, chewing, shaving, and pretty much anything else.

3. Become needy of your roommate. Always ask where he or she is going when your roommate leaves the room, even if it is to go to the bathroom. You can also try calling continuously and asking him or her, “Well, where are you now?” or “Are you almost home?”

4. If you and your roommate do not know each other very well, try the following: always refer to your roommate as “your best buddy,” ask to hold hands when you are out in public, or try cuddling with him or her when watching TV.

5. Have “nightmares” every night and scream loudly, remembering to sometimes throw your roommate’s name into the mix. You can even try getting out of bed to do some “sleep walking.” Never acknowledge this if your roommate asks about it.

6. Put all your dirty dishes in your roommate’s side of the room (or in your roommate’s room) until he or she cleans them. Always deny having done so. After your roommate cleans the dishes, you can take them all back until another cleaning is needed. Not only is this a good way to get rid of your roommate but this actually makes him or her useful for the time he or she is there.

7. If you and your roommate actually share a room, tell him or her that you must sleep with the lights on. Possible excuses include night terrors, the buggy-man, acne, you used to live in Alaska, you hate the environment, you sleep with your eyes open, etc.

Good luck!

[Picture credit: Javier Zubiri (titochavi) | Orignially Published August 28, 2007]

31 Thoughts on “7 Ways to Get Your Roommate to Leave You”

  1. Hey there, I stumbled upon your blog and ever since I got hooked up because of ya crazy post. I don’t mean no harm but I like all the cool ideas, I wrote about how to be notorious in college too, it’s at http://goodboygonebad.com/how-to-be-notorious-in-college/

    Keep pumping cool posts, I’ve linked ya!

  2. lmao.. the number 5 is awesome tips :D I really like the idea. My roommate would get out of the room immediately. I would suggest to place some Voodoo stuffs in the room in order to make more dramatic situation.

    Good one mate!! :D

  3. Whatever happened to a steady diet of Taco Bell with extra beans? I guess that is passe and I am getting too old…

  4. I was once thrown into a room barely big enough for two people. I just happened to have moved in first. Here’s what I did.

    I covered the room with my stuff, my room mate literally couldn’t move in. I also made sure to use my floor as a garbage. On the day my room mate came to move in he asked when I might eb able to pick up my stuff, so he could actually move in. I said “I dunno, I really don’t feel like doing it now. Why don’t you move tomorrow. Actually the day after would be better.” Then I turned around and just ignored him until he felt awkward and left the room. He immediately went and got transfered to a different room.

  5. LOL!

    Nice post. That is exactly what i meant when i critiqued your blog in the HP Freshman competition. I would encourage you to post more stuff related to college life. I for one look forward to it.

    How about doing a post on getting rid of annoying freshies or juniors, shadowing you around the college, asking for help. I mean i like to help others but some people are born with a screw loose and they bombard your with stupid questions. Sometimes i feel that it may be deliberate because i get really annoyed with it.

  6. Hey Ace!

    This is a great post! It sounds like all the things that happen AFTER you get married! I hope you don’t mind, but I added the link to one of the posts on CollegeWikis called “Bad Roommate”. You can find it here: http://www.collegewikis.com/www/topics/bad-roomate#.

    Keep up the awesome work! And hope to see you on CollegeWikis, too!

    Crystal Williams
    CollegeWikis Community Coordinator

  7. Thanks everyone. Abdur, we are working on implementing all the suggestions you and other made during that contest.

    @Crystal: Thank you. I never mind when people link to my writing. In fact, it makes me feel a little special. I checked out CollegeWikis and it is a very interesting site. I will check back.

  8. Maybe some Dutch version?

  9. well done! Thx!

  10. this is all hilarious…. my roommate is that brutal tho I don’t think this stuff would even work….he’s just so stupid….

  11. These are some really really funny suggestions. I love the super needy thing!

  12. Hi! I was surfing and found your blog post… nice! I love your blog. :) Cheers! Sandra. R.

  13. Haha, i do hate my roommate and what’s funny is I actually do talk/yell in my sleep usually if Im mad at someone or something I talk about it so Im pretty sure I have screamed a few bad things to her, unfortunatley… She’s still here.

  14. I have a roommate who just lies about everything so no matter what I do she lies, none of these techniques would work for me but is there anything you know about how to kick out a liar?

  15. I’m working at getting rid of my cheap roommate who refuses to pay bills by using techniques that fit into my usual life and schedule. She’s a fat, prude virgin, so I’ve been wandering around the apartment in skimpy outfits and having my boyfriend around, and she’s vegetarian so I make sure to fill the fridge with the goriest looking meat I can buy.
    So far sex and meat isn’t working so I’ll have to try something else.

  16. My cousin recommended this blog and she was totally right keep up the fantastic work!

  17. that was so f$%#in funny!!! i tried that and it took a little more than a week and my roommate was out the door!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

  18. yeah. that will surely make you’re roommate leave BUT he will drop a turd on your belongings before he leaves coz he will hate you so much.

  19. Dude…I gotta say, this is crazy.

    I live with one guy and one girl. I’m best friends with the guy, but we both HATE the girl. Mostly because she does all of those things you listed, and then some.

    What now?!?!?!

  20. There are definitely loads of details like that to take into consideration. That could be a nice point to bring up. I supply the thoughts above as general inspiration but clearly there are questions like the one you bring up the place a very powerful factor will likely be working in sincere good faith. I don?t know if finest practices have emerged round things like that, but I am positive that your job is clearly identified as a good game. Each girls and boys feel the impact of just a second’s pleasure, for the remainder of their lives.

  21. The problem is that it’s often the most annoying roommates that are also the most difficult to get rid of.

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  23. Im lucky I own my home,but as life goes I got in a jam and got a. Roomie. Bad move on my part, and well her part thats easy she never did her part. So one morning after she left I moved her things out from the house to the curb.Went back up to the house to change locks. A woman comes up to me and ask how much for this book? I looked twards the curb a Damn yard sale was going on.so……….I sold her junk

  24. My room mate is horrible, but she will not leave no matter what I do. I tried talking to my school, but she keeps convincing them that I should stay. It’s driving me insane!

  25. We started out lovers, but he is such a liar and very disrespectful. I sleep in one room and him in one room.

  26. female leaving roommet.

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  28. I peed in my roommate’s shampoo bottle.

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