This may be an innovative new way to market a company. Very NSFW:

By Eric J. Leech, author of Love, Lust, and Relationships and writer for DatingWebsites.org

Miyoko Fujimori is a former house dancer who became an international feature entertainer in 1997. After pioneering the hit talk show, Night Calls 411, for Playboy TV, she had a slew of opened doors for television and film roles. Today, she has taken on one of her favorite roles as a suburban soccer mom, strip tease coach, and anal sex advocate.

“Sex is a huge part of a relationship, and sometimes it is the only way to communicate your feelings and needs, and have them met,” says Miyoko. However, what if one of your needs is to enjoy anal play, or at the very least a little more experimentation with your girl?

“You would think the majority of guys buy penis pumps, and women, small, nondescript vibrators,” says Miyoko. “But it is the more obscure toys that women are drawn to,” such as, the anal variety. You would never guess where the majority of these toys are sold? They are selling like crazy on the ‘late night’ home shopping networks in the middle America’s bible belt. Bible thumping moms use home shopping to buy everything else in their home, “So, why not a big 13-inch dong they can shove up their butt,” exclaims Miyoko. “It’s because nobody will ever know.”

However, what if your girl does not seem so easily coaxed into a 13-inch butt dong, or even your 7-inch one, for that matter?

Miyoko strongly believes that most every woman can be persuaded through the ‘back door’ to achieve some of the best sex of her life. “This is the number one thing that men ask advice on,” says Miyoko. “But, it is sadly an area that is highly unrepresented.”

How to Get Your Girl to Try Anal?

Obviously, it is the more experienced women (having been in several long-term relationships), who will be the easiest to coax. “They realize that pleasure has to do with all parts of their body, and they are willing to explore that,” says Miyoko. “When it comes to sex, women are actually very basic—There are very few women I know who would be opposed to trying something new.”

The first rule is to ask, and do it honestly. Most guys go into this venture expecting, no, for an answer. However, if you ask with confidence, and remind her that she may get just as much enjoyment out of the experience, she may be hesitant at first, but will probably agree to a trial run. Especially, if you remember not to push too hard, and let her get used to the idea first. Now that I’ve gotten your hopes up, here is a quick list of tips to ensure that your trial run does not end in frustration, bad feelings, and a bright red “X” hashed across her backside for the remainder of your relationship.

‘Back door’ Tips from Miyoko

• “Be very nurturing and patient.” Don’t allow yourself to get impatient or frustrated, or she will too. Once this happens, the mood will be burnt, and you’ll be on your way to the bathroom with a nudy magazine tucked under your arm.
• “Start by massaging the area to allow it to relax.” This is very important to ensure that any pain involved will be minimal.
• Invite her to play with herself for a bit. Sometimes the best way to understand the pleasure derived from anal play, is to have her do a little experimentation for herself.
• “Lube is essential and spit is not going to cut it.” Purchase the good stuff (Maximus, Wet Platinum, etc.). This is not one of those moments where you want to be a cheapskate.
• “Don’t force it, if it doesn’t work out, move onto something else.”
• “Allow her to be in total control of the movement.” You may be excited to get rocking, but you will fare much better if you begin with no motion at all.
• “Don’t pull out once you’re in, because it will make her feel unsexy, like she’s taking a dump.”
• Most importantly, please follow these tips, “Because if you do it, and she hates it—You’re never going back!”

By Eric J. Leech, author of Love, Lust, and Relationships

In today’s world of feely, touchy, emotional, and politically-correct nonsense, many of the worlds most important questions have been left unsaid, unanswered, unrepresented, or just plain unaccounted for. It is these politically incorrect mysteries that most college guys really want to know.

We don’t care how many dating websites it takes to find true love. We’d rather know which ones are putting out the most.

It doesn’t matter what the kilowatt force is behind an atomic bomb. We’d prefer to know the cataclysmic force behind a bean burrito with chili.

We don’t want to be bothered by how many rainforests it takes to energize a single light bulb. We’d opt for knowing how many sexual deviants it would take to screw one in.

With that said, let the infogasm begin:

1. On a ratio of size… which animal “tackle” is considered the most and the least impressive?

Image by Adhi Rachdian

Answer: The smallest tackle belongs to the shrew at 0.2 inches, and the largest to the blue whale at more than 6.5 feet (keep in mind, that’s some pretty cold water).

Runner-up: The runners-up go to the Gorilla with his paltry two inches, and the Rhinoceros with a harem-pleasing two feet.

2. What’s the shortest male erection ever recorded?

Image by Richard Carter

Answer: 1.75 inches, and that was the guy, who was willing to come into the Kinsey Institute to be measured. Just imagine the size of the one, who was too embarrassed!

3. What are some of the most common items found underneath roller coaster tracks?

Answer: According to operators, besides the typical wallets, change, and keys… you would also find glass eyes, fake legs, false teeth and an ever-amazing number of bras—and I thought I was having fun on these things!

4. What is the most stupid sport in participation today?

Answer: Chess boxing! Two components duke it out for six rounds in a boxing ring, while playing chess in between rounds. A checkmate or getting ‘checked out’ (knockout) is the preferred method of victory.

Runner-up: Extreme Ironing is the combination of ironing your clothes, while performing your favorite sport (four-wheeling, scuba diving, rock climbing—you get the idea).

5. What was the earliest form of female intrauterine contraception?

Image by clintjcl

Answer: The Egyptians are thought to have used stones placed inside their uterus as sort of a modern IUD (Intra-Uterine Device). Depending on the size of the guy, this would’ve felt like having sex with a brick wall—which would be contraception in itself!

6. How much marijuana would it take to kill the average man?

Image by Vince Perritano

Answer: It couldn’t happen. It would be impossible to overdose once you lost all motor control, which includes the capability of holding the bud to your mouth. In other words, passing out at a party and waking up wearing a diaper and baby bonnet is the body’s way of saying, you over did it, so now I’m going to put you out before you do any more damage to yourself.

7. Could flatulence, if allowed to build-up, create the equivalent destructive energy of an atomic bomb?

Image by Kara van Malssen

Answer: Absolutely. If a man farted consistently for six years and nine months, releasing it upon the earth’s surface along with a lit match, its properties would theoretically contain the same devastating capabilities of a weapon of mass destruction.

And finally…

Bonus Question – How many sexual deviants would it take to screw in a single light bulb?

Answer: Only one, but it would take the entire cast of “Grey’s Anatomy” to fish it back out… (Badum-dumb)

Let’s face it: getting into the hottest clubs near campus can present a problem for even the most presentable of college students. Dressing to the nines, bringing a bushel of babes, and throwing around a little cash may help to get you in the door, but for the average college student on a budget, these time-honored tricks simply might not be an option.

The idea here is not to impress with your wallet, but to use your collegiate wit and wisdom to worm your way onto the guest list (hopefully with less alliteration than featured in that last sentence).

So if you’re looking to party it up at some city hotspots without having to produce a wad of Jacksons to jump the line, here are a few tips that could help to get your name on the guest list:

1. Bring girls…lots of them. Everybody knows that eye-candy is a big part of the set dressing for any club. So loading up your entourage with lovely ladies is a great way to bypass the line of unfortunate souls waiting for entry. Of course, this scenario will play out a lot better if you look money, so dress for the occasion and have your female companions do the same.

2. Frequent the same clubs. You may have to wait in line the first few times, but if you’re reasonably nice to look at, willing to pay the entrance fee, and you work to endear yourself to the staff (tip well, my friend, tip well), then you should have no problem eventually getting your name on the guest list and making your way swiftly through the velvet rope each time you visit your club of choice.

3. Call the promoter. Most promoters are keen to get a hip, young crowd into their club, especially if there’s money to be made. College kids are not necessarily known to have tons of money (although many are living on daddy’s dime), but they are prone to partying and imbibing lots of alcohol. Make sure everyone in your group is old enough to gain entrance and buy the bubbly (even stellar fake IDs won’t do the trick at most clubs these days), and let the promoter know that you’ll be bringing in plenty of business. This should be enough to secure placement on the guest list.

4. Get to know the bouncer. Ingratiating yourself to the man at the door is never a bad idea; he may as well be Saint Peter at the pearly gates, considering he has the power to allow you access or utterly deny you entry. So be nice, make him laugh, and give him a good tip. If he likes you, he can wave you in and even offer entry free of charge (and get your name on the guest list for next time).

5. Call ahead. Believe it or not, it could be as simple as calling ahead of time to get your name on the list. Not all clubs embrace this policy; some are aimed at exclusivity. But you might be surprised how far you can get with one easy phone call. Give it try; it couldn’t hurt.

Leon Harris writes for The Guestlist Club where you can find info on the hottest club in London, China White.

Dating. There really isn’t much that we sink as much time, effort, and cash into like dating. It is not uncommon for a doe-eyed rube to chance upon a prospective paramour with the best intentions in his or her heart only to find that, hey, this shit’s expensive. So, how does one deftly circumvent one of the biggest pitfalls in the wild world of competitive companionship, you ask?

Well, we have some tips that just might keep the cash in your wallet and your head in the game:

Let’s start with the basics, and it doesn’t get any more basic than Dinner. Dinner has been the cornerstone of the dating world since Adam and Eve mingled over an apple (Eve actually wanted to take Adam to this new rib joint, but he was understandably cautious), and it’s been Sushi bars and boutique cafés for humanity ever since.

The truth of the matter is that, yeah, food’s a big deal. It’s typically one of the first times that your date will see you engaged in a typical daily behavioral setting. Restaurant selection can make or break your night before it even starts. And one thing about restaurants? They love money. Can’t get enough of it. Given the opportunity a courteous sommelier would mug you at gun point. For some of us the answer is simple, elegant, and more endearing that a baby koala donating it’s hair to Locks of Love: cooking.

I know what some of you are thinking: “But I can’t cook! I have more packets of dehydrated ramen noodles than a Hong Kong bomb shelter.” Well, that might be the case. But it never hurts to try. If you can find just one dish you can prepare at even a satisfactory level chances are you’re golden. Find something that suits your capacity, and try it out a few times for yourself beforehand.

I recommend Alton Brown’s television Good Eats for the more tech-minded of you. He is to food what Bill Nye the Science Guy is to test-tubes of brightly colored liquids, and has no problem walking you through all of it. A selection of episodes can be found on Hulu. On top of that there are some great recipe search engines such as Allrecipes.com, VegWeb, and the now defunct recipezaar (We’ll miss you!). And don’t forget to spruce it up a bit. At least hide that pile of laundry in your closet until she leaves, fellas.

So, dinner went well. Congratulations. But now your date wants to doooooooo things (the gall). The movies sound nice, but shelling out 35 dollars for an hour and half of disengaged entertainment for the two of you seems a little unattractive. Plus you we’re going to download the movie illegally later, anyway. Go carts and mini-golf just don’t have the same punch they did in the 9th grade, and they’re not exactly cheap, either. The key here is to get creative.

I bet you there is a calendar of local events somewhere on the wretched hive of scum and villainy that is the internet. Each one chalk full of mostly awful event that in no way appeal to you. Chances are, however, there is at least one shining gem in there, if not many. There is probably some free concert going on in your town this weekend. Outdoor markets and vendor fairs are a great way to kill a few hours and see if you and your mate share the same sensibilities. He or she laughed at the same poorly made crap you laughed at? Match made in heaven. Vineyards love to throw events such as wine and cheese pairing, jazz concerts, or even open mic sessions. Nothing says class like discussing international politics while sipping on the latest vintage Merlot while a drunken 40 year old man trying to conceal an erection butchers Tom Petty on an out of tune acoustic guitar. But mostly it’s a pleasant experience and shows how worldly and sophisticated you are.

So, you ran out of things to cook and your town isn’t throwing together any hootenannies. You want to do something adventurous and spontaneous. Something that says “Yeah, I’m that person who’ll call in sick to work and go an adventure with you.” But how does one find adventure in this day and age, trapped in endless suburban sprawl and mini-vans? Just because you’re not a pirate doesn’t mean you and your date can’t go in a little treasure hunt.

Letterboxing, and its modern incarnation of “Geocaching,” have been a healthy dating activity for over 150 years. The idea is pretty straight forward: Some questionable person hid a box somewhere, probably in some woods, go find it. It boils down to a hiking community with a twist and some very ingenious hobbyists who wish nothing more than to share some of their favorite local spots with you. In letterboxing you’re left with a series of hilariously poorly crafted clues that does invoke the spirit of a true pirate treasure hunt (I, myself, have been asked to walk X paces from a tree at least half a dozen times). Geocaching cuts out possibility of human error and simply leaves you a set of GPS co-ordinates to get to. This is the type of activity that really lets you see the team-work quality of your relationship. You’ll know pretty quickly if you guys work well together when the possibility of being lost in the woods rears its head. Plus, you know, good, clean, cheap fun.

So, you’ve had some good dates and that pesky cartoon moth stopped flying out of your wallet. What now? At this point you should be able to suss out enough about your potential partner to know where to take it from there. Video games are often a fantastic way to spent whole weekends emerged in a team activity both cooperatively and competitively, if that’s your thing. Over time the things that work between the two of you will emerge naturally, and you’ll figure out your own ways of having fun on the cheap that doesn’t just involve couch-locked netflix marathons.

One final tip: keep a copy of Mad Libs in your car. Nothing unleashes the innermost immaturity of your partner than a game of Mad Libs, and sets what might otherwise be a long daunting drive into some really touching quality time for a meager few dollars. It really is a     fart     way to     butt    .

Leon Harris writes for PO Funding. With purchase order financing you can grow your business and pave the way for more.

Leon Harris is a writer for Pick Up Artist where you can find great tips and advice on dating.

Working the love angle is part and parcel of going to college. You’re finally free of the many restrictions imposed by the parental units and you can spend the night with whomever you please, strike up a relationship with someone your folks would never approve of, or date any hottie that walks by your door. It is a time of experimentation in so many ways, and finding out whom and what you like by swimming in the dating pool often is pretty much par for the course. But what if you fall, and fall hard, for someone who lives in your dorm? Is it a good idea to pursue it, knowing that it most likely isn’t fated to last (and you’ll have to face that person for the rest of the year at the very least)? Should you just throw caution to the wind and give it a go, or hold back and risk losing out on what could be the love of your life?

Many people live by the mantra “it’s better to regret the things you do than the things you don’t do”. This is well and good for people who don’t mind getting their heart broken and then living with the repercussions. You may not know it yet, but most companies prohibit (or at least frown on) interoffice dating. Can you guess why? It’s because people who date and don’t stay together rarely want to see each other afterwards. Usually one party is spurned by the other and this inequality of emotions can lead to tension and other complications if the two are in forced proximity. In short, don’t mess your nest.

This sentiment also applies to dating people in proximity to your home, which your dorm room is for the next several months. Think about passing this person in the hall or bumping into them constantly after they have broken up with you (or you have unceremoniously dumped them). Is that really something you want to deal with? Will you end up learning their schedule just so you can avoid them? Will you be jealous when you see them with other dates after you? These are all valid concerns that should be addressed before you hop in the sack with your would-be BF or GF from down the hall.

On the other hand, you should never turn down a shot at love. If you’ve had the hots for this person for awhile, they seem to like you as well, and there is a fair amount of chemistry and compatibility (all good indicators that a few dates could blossom into a more long-term situation), then perhaps you should take the plunge. After all, you could always move to another floor (or dorm) if it doesn’t work out the way you hope. The truth is, you need to make an assessment on a case by case basis. If it feels right, go for it. If you harbor a lot of nagging doubts that you can’t seem to dispel (and your friends hate them), then it’s probably best to move onto Mr. (or Mrs.) Right and leave Mr. Right Now in the room down the hall.

Welcome back to school.

This week for Friday Funnies we feature MrChiCity, who has been gaining some popularity in the social media from one of his YouTube videos.

Below he explains a simple way to get many women:

Image by ChrisB in SEA

These mixed drinks are always very popular among the ladies at our house:

Mind Eraser

2 ounces Vodka, 2 ounces Kahlua, 2 ounces Tonic water
In a rocks glass pour vodka, the Kahlua and then the tonic water. Serve with a straw.

Limona Corona

16 ounces Corona (one bottle), 1 ounces Bacardi Limon
Open Corona. Fill the empty space in the neck in the bottle with rum. Plug the bottle with your thumb or the palm of your hand. Turn the bottle upside-down so the rum and beer mix. Return bottle rightside-up. Drink.

110 in the shade

16 ounces Lager beer (one bottle), 1.5 ounces Tequila
Drop shooter in glass. Fill with beer

Snake Bite

8 ounces Lager (1/2 bottle), 8 ounces sweet or dry Cider
Pour ingredients into a pint glass. Drink. Fall over.

Captain Do

1 ounces spiced rum (e.g., Captain Morgan’s), 20 ounces Mountain Dew (a little more than a can and a half)
Put shot in then add soda.

Red Death #2

Absolute Vodka, Southern Comfort, Amaretto, Sloe gin, Triple sec, Orange juice
Pour all the ingredients in mixing glass with ice. Shake and strain into shot glasses.

Dew-Driver

2 ounces vodka, Mountain Dew, ice
Fill glass with ice add vodka and Mountain Dew.

Tip: 1 shot is about equal to 1 ounce

Remember: When mixing drinks don’t buy the good stuff since it will not make too much of a difference. Save your money for when you are drinking drinks straight up.

Here are some Halloween costume ideas for lazy people who haven’t come up with their own yet:

A classic zombie:

Photo by Bahman.

A Starbucks zombie:

Photo by Laughing Squid

Jack & Sally from The Nightmare Before Christmas:

Photo by Jesse Draper

Something sacrilegious:

Photo by dogseat

On a similar note, an angle:

Photo by just.K

Something messed up:

Photo by huberton

A man dressed up as a women dressed up a a witch?

Photo by Mira Dee

A man being gross and weird:

Photo by ilmungo

If you’re really pregnant:

Photo by koali

A cube-man:

Photo by mecredis

A walking iPod commercial:

Photo by Mai Le

If all else fails, just pick anything and make it hot, like these librarian costumes from Target (seriously!):

Photos by Librarian Avenger

I’m personally going as something hot, how about you?