Chris Mendes
How to Get a Hot Girlfriend, Guaranteed!
June 19th, 2008 | by Chris MendesIf you currently do not have a hot girlfriend or have never had one, then you are the problem. Change yourself with these helpful hints and you are sure to get some hot babes crawling all over you. [Note: The lower number means that rule is more important, e.g., rule #1 is the most important, followed by rule #2, etc.]
Rule #1: Stop being yourself. As mentioned above, yourself sucks. If you are reading this article, you probably want to grab some hot girlfriend ass, but you can’t because you don’t have a hot girlfriend. Solution: Do an Obama and change!
Rule #2: Stop being poor. If you are rich, you can get any girl you want. You can just buy women. Not all women can be bought (most of them can), but let’s not get too picky… We just want to get you one hot girlfriend to start with.
Rule #3: Stop having a small penis. If you have a small penis a girl is going to have sex with you and not feel anything, if you even convince her to have sex with you in the first place. Stop having a small penis right now! Wishful thinking is your best tool here. You gotta think really had though. Go!
Rule #4: Stop being skinny/fat/nerdy. All of these can be fixed with enough protein and weight lifting. Go chow down on a pound of tofu and do 500 push ups. Maybe then you will be too tired to care that you do not have a hot girlfriend.
Rule #5: Stop being nice. Women (at least the hot ones) hate nice men. Treat them like crap and they will keep coming back. They are masochistic little creatures.
[Picture by Brandon Shigeta]
6 Thoughts on “How to Get a Hot Girlfriend, Guaranteed!”
By John Peden on Jun 19, 2008 | Reply
I think point 6 should be to stop reading articles about how to get a hot girlfriend
By John on Jul 1, 2008 | Reply
i think you are a moron personally, i mean, if you are fat or skinny, yes, work out to keep a lean hard body, dont change yourself, if a woman cant accept you for who you are you might as well pick up a hooker, if your poor? well maybe you should just become financially stable first, after all, women that are bought are called hookers or trophy wifes lol
By Kayvan on Jul 4, 2008 | Reply
Does nobody else see that this article is blatantly meant to be a parody?
By Anonymous on Sep 4, 2008 | Reply
lol this is the fuckin best article so far, but im still fuckin lonely
By Joey on Sep 7, 2008 | Reply
Yea first of all obama is a muslim 2nd his preacher said gd america which is not in the bible and 3 i thought this was to help guy’s get a girl not talk about obama.