College Being

Want to get a better grade just for the hell of it? Or, sometimes you barely get a B- and needed that grade so your GPA does not drop too low and you lose your scholarship. Or, maybe you just think you deserve a better grade. Here are some excuses and guidelines on how to get your professor to bump you up:

Zussamen

Arranging a meeting with the professor to discus your options should be your first step. You want to contact the professor as soon as you know you want your grade changed. Otherwise, the professor will think you are just some lazy ass that wants to get a free grade bump.

If it is the middle of the summer and you live in a different city, it is best to contact you professor through email and just ask that way. This may also be a good choice for those students who are a little more shy.

Be prepared

Before actually meeting with the professor or emailing him or her in full about the subject, make sure you are on top of your game. Write down all the grades you received on exams, make a copy of homework assignments, etc. You will want to impress the professor with your preparation and hard work ethic that you obviously forgot about during the semester.

General tips

Be forward with the professor. Going around in circles or pretending to meet the professor for some other mysterious reason will only annoy them. Just let them know right off the bat that you would like to discus the grade you received.

Make sure you have a reasonable case to go on. [Most] Professors are not assholes, but you need to work with them or it will look like they are just making up grades. No professor wants to feel used like that either, so you need to make it seem to them like they are doing the right thing and not just doing a personal favor for you.

If the professor gives you an opportunity to redo an assignment, take your time and do the hell out of it until it is perfect. The asshole professors may not want to bump your grade and any mistake will give him or her more reason to reject your request.

Excuses, excuses

It is best to have your own personally crafted excuse for why you did so poorly or why you deserve to receive a better grade. Here are some to get you started:

1. “I did increasingly well towards the end of the semester. I started off slow, but when I saw I was doing bad, I really tried hard and got my grades up.”
2. “That one exam was just a fluke. I was sick that day and the night before. I studied, but just was not able to do well on the test because I was thinking too much about my grandmother who died last week.”
3. “I did turn in that homework assignment, though I have a scanned copy here if that helps.”
4. “Geology just is not my thing, but if I do not get at least a C on this class, I will lose my scholarship and be forced to quit college. I worked really hard and showed up to every class. Do you really want to be responsible for that?”
5. “Can I just makeup that one essay I did particularly bad on?”
6. “Is there anything else I can do? Any sexual favors you need from a young man/women like me?”

Know when to give up

Sometimes you failed so bad that there really is nothing the professor can do to help you. Even the nicest professors need to play by the university rules if they ever wish to get tenure. Know when to quit and hold your pride. In the end, this will not affect you for a long time even though it may seem so now.

[Edit for those who emailed: I am aware zussamen is not a real German word. It was taken from one of my guilty pleasures, the movie "Eurotrip."]