Friday Funnies: President Bush’s Driver Kills a Pig

George W. Bush and his driver were going to Air Force One and were passing a farm. A pig jumped out in the road suddenly. The driver tried to get out of the way, but he hit him. He went in the farm to explain what had happened. He came out with a beer, a cigar, and a tons of money. Bush saw this and said, “My God, what did you tell them?” The driver replied, “I told them that I’m George W. Bush’s driver and I just killed the pig.”

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Friday Funnies: Capitalism

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, “What is politics?”

Dad says, “Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I’m the breadwinner of the family, so let’s call me Capitalism. Your mom, she’s the administrator of the money, so we’ll call her the Government. We’re here to take care of your needs, so we’ll call you the People. The nanny, we’ll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we’ll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense.” So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents’ room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny’s room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, “Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.” The father says, “Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.”

The little boy replies, “Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit.”

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Friday Funnies: Oops

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, and his eyes are rolled back in his head.

The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”

The operator, in a calm, soothing voice, says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”

There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy’s voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?”

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Booze Reviews Platinum: St. Bernardus Abt. 12

For the last installment of Booze Reviews Platinum, I have saved the best (and most expensive) of my beers–the St. Bernardus Abt. 12. This is a Trappist abbey ale brewed in the small monastery town of Watou, Belgium. This is a dark, rich beer that has a full flavor (and clocks in at over 10% ABV) without the overbearing molasses taste of something like the SBC Russian Imperial Stout. It’s much smoother and easier to drink than most beers in its class. In fact, I enjoyed it even more than Spaten Optimator, my previous favorite high-alcohol beer. It should be poured into a goblet-style glass and consumed slowly (especially if you’re planning on driving anywhere for a while). Also, it comes in a bitchin’ 750ml bottle with a champagne-style cork and cage and a smiling monk on the front.

The only problem with this beer is its price. At $11 for the 750ml bottle, it is for most of us a rare splurge. But if you happen to have an extra few bucks, and a liquor store where this is available, give the St. Bernardus Abt. 12 a try. It’s one of the best beers I’ve ever tasted, and worth the money.

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Booze Reviews Platinum: SBC Russian Imperial Stout

The Sacramento Brewing Company is a pretty solid microbrewery in, you guessed it, Sacramento, California. Their Russian Imperial Stout, according to the label, has won a couple of awards at various brewing competitions. Personally, though? Not my thing. It certainly lives up to its name–this is a hell of a beer, clocking in at 8.1% ABV and pouring like molasses, with a dark brown head. I made the mistake of pouring it cold at first. When cold, this beer tastes utterly too sweet, like a Spaten Optimator with a cup of corn syrup dumped in. But allowing it to warm up a bit, to about 50-55 degrees, made it quite a bit better. It’s a good beer to sit and sip, and since it comes in a 22 oz. bottle you’ll be sipping for a while. Served at the proper temperature, I’d drink it again if it happened to be available, but it’s not something I’d order on a regular basis or pay a whole lot of money for. If you’re into extremely rich, stout beers, give it a try, for the sweet-looking label if nothing else. Otherwise, let this one be.

Tomorrow: The final installment of my expensive-ass beer reviews.

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