Friday Funnies: Sexy Letters

A husband and wife decided they needed to use “code” to indicate that they wanted to have sex without letting their children in on it.

They decided on the word Typewriter.

One day the husband told his five-year-old daughter, “Go tell your mommy that daddy needs to type a letter.”

The child told her mother what her dad said, and her mom responded, “Tell your daddy that he can’t type a letter right now cause there is a red ribbon in the typewriter.” The child went back to tell her father what mommy said.

A few days later the mom told the daughter, “Tell daddy that he can type that letter now.”

The child told her father, returned to her mother and announced, “Daddy said never mind with the typewriter, he already wrote the letter by hand.”

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How to Get a Super-Hot Body

With all these modern diets and workout routines, it is hard to know which ones give you that super-hot body which will make all members of the opposite sex droll enough saliva to fill a medium-sized graduated cylinder.

Well, here you go:

The I Want Six Pack Abs routine

This routine will take you through sixteen weeks of the hardest workouts you have probably ever experienced in your life. You may even be able to turn that beer belly into real beer.

Start with the easy first week and see if it is for you:

The Starvation Diet

This one is one of my favorites. All my anorexic friends love it too. It is where you eat nothing for a period of seven days. No don’t stop during the seventh day thinking you are God. Those are just the hallucinations talking. You are guaranteed to lose at least your desire to live. Not recommended for people who are consistently depressed.

The Vegan Diet

Similar to the above, you eat practically nothing. The catch with this one is that it lasts a lot longer than seven days. But, if you could look like Avril Lavinge, Natalie Portman, Joaquin Phoenix, Eva Mendes, and Click to continue reading…

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Fanatics: A Response to Ace

Earlier today, our new staff writer Ace Anderson posted an article regarding fanatical Islam. My response follows.

There are a number of fanatics, in all religions. What about the “Army of God,” the Christian group that condones the assassination of doctors who perform abortions? What about Catholic and Protestant fanatics in Northern Ireland, bombing each others’ kids because of centuries-old hatred? What about Jewish hardliners in Israel who see no problem with murdering Arabs because of some idea of divine inspiration? Or atheists like Stalin, Mao, and Pol Pot, who put millions to death because they disagreed with the regime? And those are just the most visible examples. There’s also people like Ann Coulter, who advocates “invading [Arab] nations, killing their leaders, and converting them to Christianity.” A sentiment Jesus would have approved of, certainly. There’s also people like George W. Bush, speaking of a “new crusade” to the holy lands, either ignorant of or (more frightening) accepting of the genocidal fanaticism that the term “Crusade” has come to describe.

Yes, Islam has some seriously bad people claiming to act in its name, and unfortunately some of them are in positions of power–just as atheist and “Christian” dictators caused most of the bloodshed of the 20th century, so too will fanatical “Muslims” violate the teachings of their own professed religion and likely dominate the violence of the 21st. But that doesn’t make non-fanatical Muslims guilty of mass murder or the support thereof, any more than all Christians, Jews, or atheists are responsible for the crimes of Hitler or Baruch Goldstein or the Khmer Rouge.

I understand that Ace’s post doesn’t make the unfortunate argument (or at least, doesn’t do so directly) that so many of its contemporaries do; that is, Islam is somehow more prone to violent fanaticism than other religions. Nonetheless, it attempts to paint all Muslims–even those living happily in the Western world and as far from fanaticism as possible–as at least complacent with regard to the abuses by Islamic dictators, solely by virtue of their religion. It also creates unnecessary distinctions between one tyrant and another. It promotes the idea that those who choose to abuse the teachings of Islam in pursuit of power and violence are somehow any different from those who choose the teachings of Jesus Christ or Karl Marx as their platform. A tyrant is a tyrant is a tyrant, no matter what their clothing, and they generally have supporters keeping dissenters in line regardless of their justification for doing so. No person should have to apologize for the actions of another, simply because of a few shared characteristics or basic beliefs. Sure, hold bin Laden and the Taliban and Hamas, as well as those who support and aid them, responsible for their actions. But don’t force anyone who shares their religion to choose between making constant public denunciations of every single one of their actions, or being labeled a supporter.

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Booze Reviews: Sam Adams Cherry Wheat

Samuel Adams Cherry Wheat is not for everybody’s taste. Like all the Sam Adams beers, it comes in at the more pricey import price range even though it is a domestic beer. This adds a further deterrent for the average college student to give it a try. But with Sam Adams’s limited use of ingredients, hand-selected and imported from Germany, you know you are getting a good deal.

Cherry Wheat is a great beer I like sipping during a weekend day. It’s not a heavy beer that would make you feel to full to enjoy the rest of the barbecue, but not too light that you feel you just wasted your money. I must say, however, that this malty beer does have a fruity flavor to it that is not to everybody’s taste. I for one loved the cherries. It felt almost as good as when I had my fist Cherry Coke during my middle school years. The smell is very fruity as well, but in a good way and not too cherry-y.

To conclude, this is one of my favorite beers and the low ABV [5.20% alcohol] allows you to have a lot without feeling too fuzzy.

Look: 4
Smell: 4
Feel: 3.5
Taste: 5
Overall: 4.5

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How to Get a Job After College: General Guidelines

Getting a job after college can be a frustrating experience smashing you between moving back home with your parents and picking a job you do not really want. Here are some general guidelines that will help you in your quest:

Location, Location, Location

Where to move to after college can be a big factor in whether you get a job or not. You may want to consider moving to Milwaukee [estimated unemployment rate: 5.7%] or Oklahoma City [estimated unemployment rate: 5.0%] for some of the lowest unemployment rates in the U.S.

On the opposite end of the stool, you may also want to stay clear of Providence, Riverside, L.A., Memphis, and Chicago due to the higher unemployment rates.

Picking a Company

In order to be happy, you need to chose the right company. If you hate the Internet and go work for Google, that would be a bad choice. If you hate Microsoft and go work for Google, that might be a good one.

The main part is to never settle like you did last weekend with that ugly girl you met at the bar named Cherry. Who names their child Cherry anyway? Be picky like you are with which professor you take, not like you are with cheap vodka. Click to continue reading…

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