How to get people to ignore you

Not everyone is interested to stay and play in the limelight. Others (read: me) love to hide in the shadows, sulk and not engage in any undertaking. Unfortunately, several activities require our presence – assemblies, club meetings, seminars, and so on.

For such scenarios, I have with me my trusty list of Ignore-me tactics. Use them well and you’re guaranteed to keep anyone at bay.

1. Stay absorbed with your playlist. Picture yourself sitting comfortably in the side, ears trapped with earphones or enormous headphones. You can either listen to real music, or pretend taking pleasure in your jam.

This works best with resistant eye-contact (means you avoid eye-contact at all cost as this attracts conversation).

2. Bring with you a book. Of course, if you’re no bookie, magazines or other reading materials will do. You see, when you’re occupied in your reading, other people tend to be reluctant in disturbing you.

A relaxed reading posture won’t just do; you need to really project a body language that says, “Back off, I’m reading!”

3. Study the detailed patterns. This is highly applicable to places imbued with interesting architecture features, as well as, mundane particles. You can do this ‘intense’ observation with the floor tiles, Persian carpet, the hung portrait or painting, intricately designed furniture, and so forth.

For an upgraded tactic, you can also bring pen and paper. Scribble and act like a real inspector or design connoisseur. (You may appear snob, but artistic nevertheless!)

4. Sport the ‘out of the zone’ look. Think of Luna Lovegood in the Harry Potter films. She has this über confident out-of-this-world expression that manages to repel any other student (save for good ol’ Harry, of course).

Mimic her trance-like expression or make your own version. Look at the trees or the skies with child-like wonder.

Warning: If taken to such extremes, your peers could actually freak out!

5. Appear to be so engrossed. Say, there’s a presentation, discussion or activity commencing in front. To ensure that your seatmates won’t have to include you in their whispered conversations, strain your neck and focus on the event.

To make for a convincing front, wear a body language that shows how intent you are at becoming the ultimate audience. (You can turn the notch higher by hushing them when they chatter).

6. Make farting sounds. No one ever wants to sit next to any farting machine, right? Then go and download some farting ringtones. Adjust the volume, so that only those near you can hear it. Aim for a good timing; for instance, some fellow students were on their way to approach you, and then press…

Of course, you can’t just snicker while doing this. You also have to act your part; wear that funny expression or try to look like you’re really straining to stop it. You can even bend a bit, and rub your poor tummy.

7. Wear the tiger-level ‘back off’ look. There are certain facial expressions that effectively wards off even the friendliest students. If you got it or know how to make it, you’re lucky.

Using this ‘tiger-level’ back-off expression, people will not just ignore you. They will feel kind of intimated, too. Try not to overplay it, or else, someone might actually call the university police.

8. Do all of the above. Of course, this collective tactic is only applicable for those whose Ignore-me performance is above par.

Before you strut to use these tactics, be warned. Some of these tactics may get you to unimagined trouble (specifically, numbers 4 and 7). If not properly conducted, these tactics could also backfire.

2 Thoughts on “How to get people to ignore you”

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