How to Get a Hot Girlfriend, Guaranteed!

If you currently do not have a hot girlfriend or have never had one, then you are the problem. Change yourself with these helpful hints and you are sure to get some hot babes crawling all over you. [Note: The lower number means that rule is more important, e.g., rule #1 is the most important, followed by rule #2, etc.]

Rule #1: Stop being yourself. As mentioned above, yourself sucks. If you are reading this article, you probably want to grab some hot girlfriend ass, but you can’t because you don’t have a hot girlfriend. Solution: Do an Obama and change!

Rule #2: Stop being poor. If you are rich, you can get any girl you want. You can just buy women. Not all women can be bought (most of them can), but let’s not get too picky… We just want to get you one hot girlfriend to start with.

Rule #3: Stop having a small penis. If you have a small penis a girl is going to have sex with you and not feel anything, if you even convince her to have sex with you in the first place. Stop having a small penis right now! Wishful thinking is your best tool here. You gotta think really had though. Go!

Rule #4: Stop being skinny/fat/nerdy. All of these can be fixed with enough protein and weight lifting. Go chow down on a pound of tofu and do 500 push ups. Maybe then you will be too tired to care that you do not have a hot girlfriend.

Rule #5: Stop being nice. Women (at least the hot ones) hate nice men. Treat them like crap and they will keep coming back. They are masochistic little creatures.

[Picture by Brandon Shigeta]

47 Thoughts on “How to Get a Hot Girlfriend, Guaranteed!”

  1. I think point 6 should be to stop reading articles about how to get a hot girlfriend

  2. [...] link: Great advice for a common problem for college guys [College [...]

  3. i think you are a moron personally, i mean, if you are fat or skinny, yes, work out to keep a lean hard body, dont change yourself, if a woman cant accept you for who you are you might as well pick up a hooker, if your poor? well maybe you should just become financially stable first, after all, women that are bought are called hookers or trophy wifes lol

  4. Does nobody else see that this article is blatantly meant to be a parody?

  5. lol this is the fuckin best article so far, but im still fuckin lonely

  6. Yea first of all obama is a muslim 2nd his preacher said gd america which is not in the bible and 3 i thought this was to help guy’s get a girl not talk about obama.

  7. Your an idiot! This article is by the WORST article I have ever read on dating! Either your a faggot or a slimy slut who can’t even get herself a a good decent boyfriend. This article is so shallow. (I guess nerds such as myself as inferior to these type of women huh?)

  8. hi. i like hot girls.. can i have one..

  9. Wow:) This is really funny and it has some truths to it, just as advice for the totaly shy nerdy dude its totally bad.Only after being with lods of women and being with hot women can you see the truths apply.

    1 is totally true, you need to change, so get some self help, a pickup mentor or start with reading the game by neil strauss.

    2 is totally irellevant, you do not need to be rich or even good looking to get the hottest girls possible.

    3 – well…if you are that unlucky…:(

    4 – true, confidence in your body will show through and help you with confidence with women

    have a look at my blog
    http://www.upgradereality.com

    peace out!

  10. hahaha
    this is hilarious

  11. Thanks for all the thoughtful comments so far everyone. Just for the record, it was meant to be a parody as Kayvan said. Pretty much everything on College Being is not to be taken too seriously. :)

  12. dis gay crap is well gay

  13. LOL… Hilarious blog… blunt and to the point!

    Its so f*cking true, and yet it is not at all constructive!

    If you want a hot gf… stop being a bitch – looking for advice – and be more of a man!

  14. I know it’s a parody, but I don’t think that makes it ok. for three main reasons

    1) Making fun of women in a stereotypical way reinforces those stereotypes

    2)The people Who find it funny, seem to be finding it funny in a “haha so true!” way, as opposed to the “haha what a freak for thinking that” way

    3) It’s a cheap joke. Seriously, a cocker spaniel reading comedy for dummies could make this.

    Try harder or don’t publish it. The internet is overflowing with crap as it is

  15. @Anonymous: Somebody is obviously bitter about not having a hot girlfriend…

  16. First, I think rule #5 should be moved up the list, if you ever listen to girls talk (not reccomended) they always say how their current bf’s are such jerks… they just want to be treated like a little dog so they don’t need to think themselves. Secondly, if you’re rich it’s true that you can get most hot ones, and if one resists don’t worry, just toss that one aside like a piece of garbage because 10 more are waiting…. case in point, Rock of Love haha.

  17. im what lots of guys consider a hot girl i guess. i have to disagree on some things here. just be urself and confidence will come as a result of being real. Do not try to be fake, girls will see this. Have a few nice things that show you have good taste, def dress good and be willing to treat ur girl every now an then, being rich is NOT required. Girls want the same things u do in a person. You can make urself hotter just by improving ur wardrobe and showing u have good taste and being true to urself, but at the same time considering others-this is VERY attractive. Case in point; i know thin guys who do these things an they are very very hot. Good hair is essential, so go get a new look if you need to. Honestly look at urself and improve those things that may be standing in ur way! Think what u like in people, yanno, and work to obtain those attractive qualities you desire in others.
    And just talk to hot girls like you would anyone else. We are in the same boat as you, we are shy too. i talk to hot guys like they’re a real person, and this works very well and helps me get over my shyness cause im being honest and real and caring, this will help build confidence. Also look at how you act, see how celeb guys are so laid-back and confident? Dont thrash around and act like a moron; you dont like girls like that. I hate the term “nice guys” cause many of these guys are really just retards that dont think for themselves and they try way too hard (fake) to get something… and then when they dont get their way, they whine about how nice guys dont get anything! They are pushy and try too hard to please , u know that turns u off when a girl does that to you, think about it. Be relaxed, there WILL be a hot girl for you, it may take a while for it to all happen, but it will if you dont settle, but be realistic as well.
    If you have a small penis, then make urself as hot as you can in all other areas, girls will still be crazy about you, trust me. The point is, you have to come to the bargaining table with SOMETHING, if you want to come away with that which you are looking for.
    And dont treat girls like shit, but like you want to be treated. But be true to you, say no sometimes to a girl. Cause being wishy washy is a huge turn off. While ur girl may not like it, she will respect you for having some balls-that is being a man. And if u have a GF that cant handle this, then u better get a new one lol, trust me, save urself a lot of trouble on that. Geez, i cudda wrote this stupid article!

  18. this is hilarious.
    i loved it. i keep making jokes about it since i read it.
    i think people just need to lighten up.
    the funny thing is most hot girls are that shallow.
    so its not taht far from the truth BECAUSE OF HER!
    not because of him.
    but it is hilarious.
    i laugh at it.
    cause although i might not be hot im exactly like that on the surface.

  19. why is it that every hot girl has a hot guy?

  20. dude wtf

  21. Well said, finally a good report on this stuff

  22. This is the most fucked up peace of shit i;ve ever heard and why the fucking hell are you talking about obama are you fucking stupid in the head :-)

  23. wanted women to email me .. jackson_walter@yahoo.com

  24. i want enjoy with sex

  25. what is the sex talk with me

  26. dude red the holl thing it gave me sumthing gave me 2 improve my self dude i wnt say sumthing 2 u there is gurl in my class she is damn hot i like but i cunt talk 2 her cz sumthing keep pulling me give sum advice n another think the day came 2 sch i was watching that she is damn beautiful i was wow.i was try 2 say that i like but still couldnt then last week she left sch in that day i told her frnd that tell her that tell her that i wnt 2 talk 2 her then she said kk after sch cum n meat me then i couldnt go cz my frnd was with but the truth is she is a slut so got sum shit that she drank alcohol n she was fried so she e-mail her i mail her hall bloady story bt no reply still cz her mother wnt let her go out,no phones she has 1,no mail,nuthing thats a problem i have a home no but i cnt talk 2 her cz her mum mill fuk me up n down.so what do have 2 do advice email me plz bro.t.c.peace.lol.p

  27. lol fucking dumbas yea small penis is right but other sutff arent
    your supose to be yourself… and also you can be either fat or skinny you just need her heart

    fucking dumbass like you dosnt know anything about women hhaha

  28. u no wat u r little dick suckin bastard who probabaly got this shit from ur mother and u r never gonna stick ur dick in my pussy cause like u said ur dick is probably way 2 fuckin small 2 go in there and fuck u bye

  29. u are a mother fuckin retard

  30. How to get a hot girlfriend….
    Dont listen to this crap. Biggest crap i have ever heard. Rule #1. This guy does not have a hot girlfriend

  31. found your site on del.icio.us today and really liked it.. i bookmarked it and will be back to check it out some more later

  32. Lololol this made me laugh so fucking hard. “Stop having a small penis, treat the girls like shit”

  33. This is hilarious!!!! I can’t stop laughing! This guy should be payed some money!

  34. haha nice. This is obviously NOT a serious post to all u who are freakn out. you just got trolled

  35. hey

  36. you

  37. Thanks for getting the news out about this.

  38. Hi I waschecking out various sites on baidu and i found your site. I must that you have a great site here. You’re posts is quality and now a days ya dont find that on a lot of sites. Keep up the great job and I willsurelybe returning. Once again thank you. and have a great day!

  39. This article fuckin sucks man!

  40. I fu*kin hate this word –> be yourself!!!!! you know why !!cuz guys come on gimme a break if somebody could be himself than he didnt need fu*kin hints! I mean most of guys doesnt know what does it mean ..so first you had to give them some hint about how to be yourself and also guys we had to accept this fact most of us are a mess!!
    look at the mirror,what do you see?a good looking handsome guy with 50 $ Nike shoes,1$ sucks,10$ jean,4$ t-shirt,and probably a fake PRADA or RAY BAN sunglasses FOR 11$?!!!what kind of fu*king good looking man are you?!!get a job work a month go to mall(I recommend ZARA brand because it’s cheap and stylish-no fu*kin oversize ok?!!! )buy some COOL stuff dude..shoes are so fu*kin important! if 160 $ for shoes 70$for pant 30$ for T-shirt 150$ and maybe blazer and it should be up to 100 than you need almost 450-500 ..so dont be stingy and find your style! i mean be open to everything ..actually there is a lot of things that i should say so i gonna leave my email so feel free of questions ..
    saye.dar@windowslive.com
    PS:if you’re too fat,go watch porn and je*k off there ,sorry brother there is no fuckin way to make you cool
    PS:guys dont fu*kin forget this fact: WE ARE A MESS IN THIS FU*KIN BULLSHIT WORLD…
    saye.dar@windowslive.com

  41. hi iwant a one gf

  42. hi.. iam in love

  43. WTF WHAT KIND OF DUMBASS MAKES THIS BULLSHIT YEA IM TALKING TO U DUMB COLLEGE SONSOF BITCHES YOU DONT TREAT WOMEN LIKE SHIT GODDAMN ASSWIPE

  44. IF YOU WANT GOOD ADVICE TALK TO ME THE MAN WHO HAD OVER 7 GFS

  45. I need a gf in life because play too much for little kids my good advice is to have a job and make a lot of money and save money for travel like I wanted to go to Chicago Illinois to see my home team Chicago bears

  46. You ppl are the shit! So funny!

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