How to Get a Hot Girlfriend, Guaranteed!

If you currently do not have a hot girlfriend or have never had one, then you are the problem. Change yourself with these helpful hints and you are sure to get some hot babes crawling all over you. [Note: The lower number means that rule is more important, e.g., rule #1 is the most important, followed by rule #2, etc.]

Rule #1: Stop being yourself. As mentioned above, yourself sucks. If you are reading this article, you probably want to grab some hot girlfriend ass, but you can’t because you don’t have a hot girlfriend. Solution: Do an Obama and change!

Rule #2: Stop being poor. If you are rich, you can get any girl you want. You can just buy women. Not all women can be bought (most of them can), but let’s not get too picky… We just want to get you one hot girlfriend to start with.

Rule #3: Stop having a small penis. If you have a small penis a girl is going to have sex with you and not feel anything, if you even convince her to have sex with you in the first place. Stop having a small penis right now! Wishful thinking is your best tool here. You gotta think really had though. Go!

Rule #4: Stop being skinny/fat/nerdy. All of these can be fixed with enough protein and weight lifting. Go chow down on a pound of tofu and do 500 push ups. Maybe then you will be too tired to care that you do not have a hot girlfriend.

Rule #5: Stop being nice. Women (at least the hot ones) hate nice men. Treat them like crap and they will keep coming back. They are masochistic little creatures.

[Picture by Brandon Shigeta]


Happy Birthday!

Today is our birthday. We are celebrating one year of happily reporting a bunch of junk and hopefully at least some entertainment and helpful lessons. We hope you continue to visit out site for years to come.

This will be the 242nd published article on the site. Boy what a bunch of work. Here are some of our earliest posts to bring back some memories:

USB-powered: Pictures of some of the most useful and useless USB-powered appliances. This was our first post ever. We have come a long way.

The Loo Read: For those who cannot take a one minute break from work, not even to shit.

And some of our most popular posts over the last year:

No Sex Tonight: It is unfair how women have a power over men. I call it the sex power. Find out what power we have over them.

Hottest Student Bodies: I figure this is actually only a popular post because of the strongly searched keyword “hottest student bodies.” I alone search that keyword on Google about 20 times each day.

Death Prank and Lower Back Tattoo Remover: Need no explanation. Just watch them. They’re funny.

Teacher Teaches Kid a Lesson: Coincidentally, also what I call one of my reoccurring dreams… That has nothing to do with the article at all, sorry.

To sum it all up: We love you!

Let us know anything you would like us to change in the comments below.

-The College Being Team

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RIP Tim Russert

NBC reporter Tim Russert, most famous for his show “Meet The Press,” died today at the age of 58 from a heart attack. Russert was one of the few remaining American journalists who actually bothered to ask tough questions, and will be missed.

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Booze Reviews: Spaten Optimator

For the return of Booze Reviews, I’ve decided to do something different. Spaten is one of the five major Munich breweries (the other four being Paulaner, Augustiner, Löwenbräu, and Hofbräu), and as such they have several hundred years of experience brewing awesome beer. They make several varieties, including a pilsner and an Oktoberfest brew, but my personal favorite is the Optimator.

Click to continue reading…